Love Story…

Affection in furry form. Breathtaking love of my life.  

Even now, my heart is fractured as I think of Yuri. 

However, he is still here.  

Influencing and showing his presence with a yearning of meaning.

Magical  music glides over mosaic remembrances and in certain moments

The holy hollowness of my heart beats the passion of  a peaceful spirit, 

Gentleness glistening in the sweet memories of long walks and silent conversations. 

Still here, in my mind, in my heart a steady gaze tells me he is silently with me. 

How can it be that this gentle  dog still grips my heart in grief…

He was the one who guided me through  healing

A  path of heartache that had clenched  and paralyzed me with fear.

He helped in maneuvering the treacherous waters of life, so I began to  believe in myself. 

The tears I shed are big, real tears of  sorrow and loss. 

Yet I am healed through his everlasting devotion of hope.

And life lessons continue to lead me in the love that is waiting for me within the eyes of nature.

This image is part of the https://islandinthenet.com/52-week-smartphone-challenge/ The topic is Love Story. My son shot this with his iPhone 6 witnessing me saying goodbye to Yuri. He was 13 and crippled with arthritis. We were fortunate that we were able to put him down in his beloved backyard. I am convinced that Yuri was and will always be an Angel. Photo is cropped and edited in snapseed.

Christmas

I love Christmas! But Christmas brings me heartache. Even now, 29 Christmases later, I can still feel the tugging of grief’s influence on the corners of my heart. Perhaps I am feeling the sadness of years past because I have witnessed many of my friends deal with heartbreaking loss this year. Or it could be the fact that our dear 2 year old Poodle is slowly losing his battle to a wicked case of meningitis. I can’t explain the mysteries of grief or its stubborn hold on my life. But I can look back at my 29 years of experience and see how I have changed. These, of course, are my thoughts and experiences of grief. We are all different and my hope is that each person can find a nugget of peace or hope from my experience.

Twenty-Nine years later I no longer:

  • Am paralyzed by the raw, exposed pain.
  • Am covered with a blanket of depression.
  • Wake up in the middle of the night so nauseated with grief that I throw up for hours.
  • Am Sick all of the time.
  • Dread every anniversary or holiday.
  • Am overcome with grief every time an airplane crashes.

I still…

  • Miss my family everyday.
  • Cry
  • Feel lonely, especially during holidays or special life events.
  • Talk to them.
  • Am deathly afraid to fly in a small plane.
  • Am fearful of dying in an accident.
  • “Freak out” during snow storms.

However…

  • I understand how precious life is.
  • I realize I can survive whatever life has to offer.
  • I have true love.
  • I have children and grandchildren to love and cherish.
  • I have some insight into how pain and tragedy affects others, including my students.
  • I have a meaningful purpose in my career as an educator
  • I have dear friends and adopted family.
  • I feel a deep connection with nature and the spiritual.
  • I am still fully alive and love this wonderful magical normal life I live.

If you have recently lost a loved one, please know I am thinking of you during this difficult holiday season. May you find the glimpses of love and hope that will eventually fill your life once again. If you lost your loved one years ago, please know I am thinking of you during this difficult holiday season. May you hold in your hearts the sweet glimpses of Christmases past.

Words by Magical-Normal Life. Image taken by Grandpa.