Tag: Grief

Love Story…

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Affection in furry form. Breathtaking love of my life.  

Even now, my heart is fractured as I think of Yuri. 

However, he is still here.  

Influencing and showing his presence with a yearning of meaning.

Magical  music glides over mosaic remembrances and in certain moments

The holy hollowness of my heart beats the passion of  a peaceful spirit, 

Gentleness glistening in the sweet memories of long walks and silent conversations. 

Still here, in my mind, in my heart a steady gaze tells me he is silently with me. 

How can it be that this gentle  dog still grips my heart in grief…

He was the one who guided me through  healing

A  path of heartache that had clenched  and paralyzed me with fear.

He helped in maneuvering the treacherous waters of life, so I began to  believe in myself. 

The tears I shed are big, real tears of  sorrow and loss. 

Yet I am healed through his everlasting devotion of hope.

And life lessons continue to lead me in the love that is waiting for me within the eyes of nature.

This image is part of the https://islandinthenet.com/52-week-smartphone-challenge/ The topic is Love Story. My son shot this with his iPhone 6 witnessing me saying goodbye to Yuri. He was 13 and crippled with arthritis. We were fortunate that we were able to put him down in his beloved backyard. I am convinced that Yuri was and will always be an Angel. Photo is cropped and edited in snapseed.

The Realization…

.Reading time less than 1 minute.

It wasn’t until I lost you

That I realized the real magic…

Was in our ordinary moments

Together.

Poetry and Images by Magical Normal Life

To Step forward…

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Staying in silence…

Is the invisibility cloak that protects our pain from the judgement of others.

It shields us from the pained eyes,

Shocked faces,

And closed body language…

Of those in which we share our story.

But courage tells us to share our story anyway.

Because by sharing our pain,

We allow others to understand that they are not alone.

 

poetry and images by Magical Normal Life

Self-Portrait

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I am spirit.

A piece of creation’s love and energy.

Bright color, flowers, rainbows and paint.

The spiritual forces of nature and light seep into my being.

While  my quietness and creative longing push out into the universe.

These competing forces of yin and yang

Complete the person I am…

Quiet, spiritual, creative, nature filled.

I am changing.

Like the air around me or the ripples on water.  

I may seem similar, but I change in small degrees. 

Molecules dancing in a sequence of undisclosed steps.  

Sometimes tumbling in a beautiful design, 

And sometimes falling all over themselves.  

But I am created anew.

A piece of creation’s love and energy.

Light, love, color and yearning.

This image is part of the https://islandinthenet.com/52-week-smartphone-challenge/ I used my iPhone 10 and edited the photo with Snapseed. I added texture by using the app, Art Genius.

Words and Image by Magical-Normal Life

Teacher

.Reading time 3 minutes.

To live a magical life, I feel I must have a purpose. And when I think of purpose, I think of my chosen profession.  Actually,  it is my passion.

I am a teacher.  A Kindergarten teacher to be exact. I understand that I am one of thousands, maybe millions of teachers in this world.  And I understand that in and of itself, this is not special.  In fact, it is one of the things that makes my life “normal.”  

But… It is special to me because it gives me purpose.  Every morning I have a reason to get up and be inspired to live a full life.  A life that I can give to my students.  

What an honor it is to guide these young children in their learning and to allow them to blossom. To let them know it is ok to ask questions. To make mistakes. And to get back up and try again.

When I teach, I am really creating a community where my young students learn to build relationships and to share and collaborate ideas.  We learn that we all have strengths and we all have weakness and that we can overcome problems together.  It is in this classroom that children learn how to work in a group, and many times, this is where they make a choice to love learning.  

To be the person who guides them is important.  I love this work. I love to create activities that my students can build upon and make their own. I love speaking to children at their level. Sometimes our heart to heart conversations are silent, with only our eyes talking and a small hand reaching out to grab mine.  Sometimes our communication is through pictures, especially if language is difficult.  

But we all learn and we all grow. This would include me as I become humbled at the wisdom of simplicity.  I feel as if I forget my wisdom and these tiny souls show me once again what is important…

To ask many questions.

To make friends with everyone.

To live in the moment

And to burst into song when I feel like it. 

So really it is a give and take.  I guide the young people in how to sound out words and count to 100, but they take me back to my true self.  A person who views life as beautiful and magical.

Words by Magical-Normal Life. Image by my school district.

Christmas

.Reading time 3 minutes.

I love Christmas! But Christmas brings me heartache. Even now, 29 Christmases later, I can still feel the tugging of grief’s influence on the corners of my heart. Perhaps I am feeling the sadness of years past because I have witnessed many of my friends deal with heartbreaking loss this year. Or it could be the fact that our dear 2 year old Poodle is slowly losing his battle to a wicked case of meningitis. I can’t explain the mysteries of grief or its stubborn hold on my life. But I can look back at my 29 years of experience and see how I have changed. These, of course, are my thoughts and experiences of grief. We are all different and my hope is that each person can find a nugget of peace or hope from my experience.

Twenty-Nine years later I no longer:

  • Am paralyzed by the raw, exposed pain.
  • Am covered with a blanket of depression.
  • Wake up in the middle of the night so nauseated with grief that I throw up for hours.
  • Am Sick all of the time.
  • Dread every anniversary or holiday.
  • Am overcome with grief every time an airplane crashes.

I still…

  • Miss my family everyday.
  • Cry
  • Feel lonely, especially during holidays or special life events.
  • Talk to them.
  • Am deathly afraid to fly in a small plane.
  • Am fearful of dying in an accident.
  • “Freak out” during snow storms.

However…

  • I understand how precious life is.
  • I realize I can survive whatever life has to offer.
  • I have true love.
  • I have children and grandchildren to love and cherish.
  • I have some insight into how pain and tragedy affects others, including my students.
  • I have a meaningful purpose in my career as an educator
  • I have dear friends and adopted family.
  • I feel a deep connection with nature and the spiritual.
  • I am still fully alive and love this wonderful magical normal life I live.

If you have recently lost a loved one, please know I am thinking of you during this difficult holiday season. May you find the glimpses of love and hope that will eventually fill your life once again. If you lost your loved one years ago, please know I am thinking of you during this difficult holiday season. May you hold in your hearts the sweet glimpses of Christmases past.

Words by Magical-Normal Life. Image taken by Grandpa.

Coming Back to Life…

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Yesterday the ache was so strong

A wave of loneliness so forceful that it seemed to drown me with pain and sorrow

Alone in this world with only the echos of my existence being noticed by those around me

Now, for the moment, the agony is gone

Like a heavy blanket of sadness being  lifted from my grieving soul

My heart sees the glittering gold of hope ahead

My lungs, so tired from the constant sobbing, gasp in bits of fresh air

A glimpse of new life glimmer in my mind’s eye as I look forward through the fog of grief that floats before me

Though I still see the desolate road of heartache ahead

I can now see the rainbow that signals life is still here

My heart still beats

My breathe still gives rhythm to the nature around me

My eyes see the smiles of my children

I will cling to this moment within me 

In hopes it will get me through the heavy wall of pain 

I will once again feel tomorrow

Poetry and Images by Magical Normal Life